Monday, April 27, 2009

Reasons why Europe is cooler than US

Reason #1: They have good House music. I would rather watch this video than the "single ladies" Beyonce video. no homo. Yelle is ok but this remix is the s.h.i.t. People hate on house (me included) but when you start going to clubs in spain its all they play. you learn to love it, like "how i met your mother."

Sunday, April 26, 2009

D-Lo No hoe. no hoe. no hoe

Hyphy. hella hard. The genius is the simplicity of the song obviously made with fruity loops. This song is addictive by the wayyys. The first version is the original and the other is the remix with E-40 and some other bay area fools. cotdamn.



With e-40

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Demetri Martin - Taking Woodstock

Demetri Martin in an Ang Lee film? yeah buddyyyy. - Hopefully Martin's tv show gets picked up again. I mean how long will Mencia stay on the telly? Its like watching tar dry next to a racist fake mexican -.

Don't care for hippies but this movie looks pretty cool and it just got into the Cannes Film Festival. I trust Ang Lee to make sound judgments on his movies. Plus he helped an Argentine win an oscar. I doubt anyone will walk out of this movie saying "best movie ever" but im sure they will be pleasantly entertained. Its better than wasting two hours watching Christian Bale staring serious at someone and then yelling at them (referring to the upcoming terminator movie, isnt it tasteless to release a movie that already has a decrepit tv series still going on?) Christian Bale is like the 'Korn' of actors. You dudes are hella rich, why are ya'll so angry all the time, I'm just sayin'.

.... Liev Shreiber!!

Mjr Lzr. the truth

ahh finally music to get excited about. Brenton wood is the shit and all but his songs are like twice as old as me. Obviously this is on FADER, but sometimes people forget to go on that website. Plus i kinda got tired of that andy milonakis song (that dude is 30 or something!) Song made me cream myself...yeah crude humor rocks!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Is it hot? you need some Big pun and a cosmo!

Today was hella hot. it was humid muggy nasty dirty south hot. When it gets this hot i just want to hear "still not a player" near a body of water. Does anyone have a pool in the bay? Jeez i needs to go down to LA. When are we going to do a hip hop beach party? probably soooooooon. Super stories after this weekend, the devil is coming. What happened to Joe? should've bought a last name in the nineties bra bra. Oh and Miss california is still ffiiiiinnne. you dont need that crown boo boo.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Chase Bank commercial uses John Lennon song. Cool for us.

As many TV goers know, Chase is using Instant Karma by John Lennon for their ad campaign for taking over WAMU. Awesome. I'm glad they used our money to make shitty commercials with a blue video filter and taint a great lennon song. I guess lennon wasnt a good enough singer so they paid a Rob-thomas sound-alike to cover it. Im sure that fool is getting paid but will most likely contract full blown ebola-aids for being a douche. Instant karma, dick. Did yoko ono let this happen? strike 2 bitch. Im not going to put the commercial up here because thats letting the terrorist win so i'll just put up the original. Capitalism is sooooooo cool.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Melting Point Music Video!!!!NEW!

New, fresh like a blossoming daffodil. The first music video of Berkeley's Melting Point "Boy from outer space" filmed with RED cameras. Watch it in high quality. Especially for the hot chick in the video.Mmmmm aliens.
their myspace



R n B Millionaires. hollerrrrr

This is a new group from oakland. A-maize-ING. Probably the best R&B out there, they dont over extend their songs by repeating the chorus 7 times like most songs out there. And every song has rich melodies and creative beats. (they sampled cameron paul in '1st dance' represent San HoeSay) The best thing is that these songs aren't contrived or masturbatory like most new independent music. (Im looking at you pavement and folky kids) Cant wait for the mixtape. Finally got some new songs for the summer. (dont worry james brown, you are still in the mix)

Pee Ess. Check out Out da Club, they switch up the beats!
RnB millionaires myspace






















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Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Hungry Like the Woolf

So, I find a lot of people bring up Eat, Pray, Love to me lately. This may be my fault. I told people about the book; also, I have recently been to one of the places that serves as a backdrop to one of Elizabeth Gilbert's many! epiphanies!

For the record, those two things have nothing to do with one another, and the more people allude to the book, the increasingly I become put off by said book. (BTW Martina, the "Drink, Repent, Hate" joke totally clicked for me just now. It's funny, but it's a little worrisome for me that it took a month for the reference to register. B'ah!)

Like, I'm too tired to get into this right now (Chorus: COP OUT!) but really, my likes and dislikes for E. Gilbert's memoirs are beside the point of this entry.  What I really want to share is the following passage:

"Virginia Woolf wrote, 'Across the broad continent of a woman's life falls the shadow of a sword.' One one side of the sword, there lies convention and tradition and order, where 'all is correct'. But on the other side of that sword, if you're crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, 'all is confusion. Nothing follows a regular course.' Her argument was that the crossing of the shadow of the sword may bring a far more interesting existence to a woman, but you can bet that it will also be more perilous."

There. I had to preface the quote because if you Google it, all the search returns refer to E, P, L so I might as well be honest about where I found it, right? I'm a little frustrated that I can't find the full quotation in context, which may mean my interweb research skills are poor, or I was just an inattentive English major for not knowing off-hand which of Woolf's works it comes from.

I dunno. Maybe it was part of the material covered in 45C, but that was the semester I was falling asleep in the back of the lecture halls. (Wassup, squeaky chairs in LeConte!)

Anyway, if you're still reading - I think V. Woolf said some pretty legit stuff, so...make of it what you will.  

Seacrest out!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Public Enemies. yeah buddy

I figure i put a trailer of a movie that i do want to see. Public Enemies might not win any oscars but you cant go wrong with '30s style mobster movies. John Dillinger? what up!

'Cool-ass' Depp, 'Crazy-ass' Bale, 'sexy-ass' Cotillard. Cant go wrong.
Michael Mann directing?! he's alright. Heat was good until the ending. Miami vice and Ali were big pieces of wafting shit. But then again the Insider was a great suspenseful movie that established Russell Crowe's career.

So we'll see how this turns out but i doubt Depp will make a crappy serious movie. He does make crappy childish movies but thats ok, kids cant tell the difference. Plus the producers have some balls for releasing this movie in the summer so it must be that good. Hopefully by that time the recession will have rescinded and i can actually afford to pay 14 dollars to see this movie.

ps. Billy Crudup plays J. Edgar Hoover. brilliant. <---being sincere.

Are you obsessed? nope.

I saw a trailer of this movie on TV. I thought it was a goof, but apparently its a real movie. Beyonce still thinks she can act and has to be in the limelight every two weeks or she will wither into oblivion. Her over indulgent and contrived way of acting ruined the third Austin powers movie and made me not want to watch dreamgirls. She also played etta james in Cadillac Records. Qua? People must have forgotten that etta james was fat and ugly, not skinny and pretty like beyonce.

"I'll show you crazy" oh yeah beyonce? i guess the executive producer showed you crazy by allowing this project to be made. The storyline is beyond realistic and i think this is a TV movie of the week remake. The director is Steve Shill who is a TV director which makes sense because of the lesser than mediocre plot twists that this movie seems to have. This trailer actually tells you the story and end in 2 minutes. So my basis for this review is solid. I am going to go ahead and guess that this movie will be nominated for a razzie next year. I would rather watch a 90 minute version of any Geico commercial. At least those are original and sometimes entertaining. When will Beyonce go away? probably when she starts getting compared to dane cook in acting ability. Oh and Jerry O'Connell is the supporting actor, so that will appeal to the "no one cares "demographic

Friday, April 3, 2009

Vegans need to go.





You’re a vegan? For reals? You sure you’re not being “facetious”? (Inept dilettantes like using this word now, thinking it may elevate their intelligence but it doesn’t.) So you stop eating anything delicious just to make a point? And what point is that? That you are a cunt? (I'm only calling you cunts because I don’t know your hippie names personally) There is no reason whatsoever to be a vegan. Not even for diet purposes. If you want to lose weight, then exercise bitch. Its unnatural, it’s elitist, it’s an obvious proud product of economic imperialism, and it’s a serious sign of being mentally ill.

Unnatural.

Whatever some stupid upper class dalai lama-lover told you that being vegan is being one with nature and the elements of the universe is a drugged out imbecile. Our teeth are used to break down and chew meat. We take necessary nutrients and fats needed to grow and stay healthy. Why do you think its illegal to feed a baby a vegan diet? Because there aren’t sufficient vitamins and nutrients in that raw piece of East Indian grass you got there beatnik. You will go straight to jail if you do not give your baby the meat it needs.

As humans we have been eating meat since we began to walk upright but yeah of course. You’re right liberal douche bag. Your diet is the best and only way to have a healthy diet. The millenniums of human evolution fucked up and you’re ideology is inherently correct because, after all, you do have a bachelors in Sustainable Peach Growing from UC Berkeley, you cant be wrong about it. I mean every developed country in the world (even some of the non developed ones) have healthy citizens that live into their 70’s and eat chicken, pork, and even…dun dun DUN… RED MEAT.

The myth that beef is bad for you is as stupid and overdone as crocs and snuggies. Argentina, for example, eats more red meat than any country in the world and they don’t have an obesity epidemic, YOU Americans do. Maybe it’s the shit fast food that caused the obesity problem, not the cows themselves. You can never blame greed and corporations can you? Of course not because you worry yourself with platitudinous subjects like animal rights instead of pertinent topics like war, exploitation and poverty. It might be because those topics are too complex for you to understand so you cry over some dogs that Mr. Vick may or may not have killed. (I hope the raiders sign him)

Background Life

If you are a Vegan, it is most likely that your momma didn’t know how to cook or she refused to cook. Because if anyone in this world has had any homemade meals than they know how delicious REAL food can be. No restaurant in the world is better than your mom’s cooking, if, that is, your momma knew how to cook. Most likely you are anglo-saxon white if you had some bland-ass dry-ass gross-ass food growing up, because if you are any other ethnicity you have no excuse for growing up with bad food. Growing up with bad food is something that needs to be explored by your therapist in great detail, because in my professional opinion (yes I am a professional, just because I don’t get paid doesn’t mean my shit aint gold mutha fucka) if you are deprived of homemade meals as a child, that is straight up abuse and you don’t have to take it. Just go to your nearby taqueria and get yourself some al pastor tacos, it will not cure you, but it will relieve some pent up aggression towards your horrible and malicious parents.

Semantics

Vegans supposedly don’t eat food products that come from animals. Word? …What the fuck is wrong with you? Does honey count, because that shit is delicious, I would eat honey even with bees stuck inside. Chomp Chomp.
Ok so milk and cheese is out, which leaves you with what? Just fruits and vegetables? But what about fruits and vegetables that grew in fertilizer that was made from Horse poo? Oh so you cant even eat vegetables that was farmed with animal manure? Damn you vegans got it rough. Fuck Darfur, give these Vegans some humanitarian aid, no wonder they look so gaunt. Poor pussy Yippies, if only they could obtain some protein and fat into their weak system.

Oh and from now on, if you want to be pretentious to us non vegans, then you can’t use the name of our foods and change the entire recipe. Cheese, for example, comes from either a cow, a goat, or a lady, not from soy or some other useless plant. Curdled piss looks like cheese but we don’t call it cheese now do we….do we? Or there is this thing called vegannaise (I hope I'm spelling it wrong) which is a vegan substitute to mayonnaise. This substitute contains soy protein, brown rice syrup and some other nasty shit that, not surprisingly, taste like nasty ass shit. Stop trying to trick your taste buds, if you want some mayonnaise, eat some mayonnaise, if not shut the fuck up and finish your dirt pie AS IS.

Addressing the Vegans

You want to partake in these paradoxical events (Cheese without the cheese, mayonnaise without eggs) because you want to have your cake and it eat too, but of course without any butter. You seem to believe that you are entitled to reject foods of the masses and urban underlings and enjoy your selective poorly-farmed food products that cost more money because it allows your ego to grow and condescend upon the rest of the population. Your superiority is constantly questioned (Segregation is gone, everyone can afford tv’s and ipods, a black man is president) and so now you must create an elitist pseudo culture in order to validate your puny and insipid existence.

Do you know how hard other countries laugh at your ascetic ways? Even the starving laugh, but at the same time cry because they do not have the luxury to even think about choosing to be vegan. The starving are SO vegan that they don’t eat anything. What now 35 year old-dreadlocked-white guy from Walnut Creek. How insulting is that? Has a vegan person ever met a poor person? How would that conversation go?

Haitian – “You are from America yes?”
Vegan – “Aw man, don’t judge me for than maaann. That’s why I'm traveling dude, just trying to get away from all those negative vibes there man.
Haitian – “Well it is nice that you get to travel. I must stay here in my poor village to work and feed my mother and sisters. As you know, there has been a food shortage in my country. I hear you Americans eat a lot?”
Vegan – “yea maaann. America is just filled with stupid fat white men. But that’s not me though bro. I’m a vegan, so I can get closer to the earth.
Haitian – “What is vegan?”
Vegan – “Oh let me tell you about it. Its this lifestyle where you only eat what is natural, no animals or animal products like cheese and milk. Just organic vegetables and fruits.”
Haitian – “So you cannot eat animals?”
Vegan – “Well I can, but I choose not to”
Haitian – “So you choose not to eat animals?...”
Vegan – “…yeah maaann. One with nature.”
Haitan – “Can we exchange passports?”

Just like gentrification, veganism is another pernicious bloodsport that bored wealthy people are participating in, due to their lack of culture and family bonding. They obviously do not realize their insensitive racism and ignorance that they emit into society because they never consider the opposite situation.
You want to move into the ghetto? That’s good, then we send one ghetto ass kid into your suburban neighborhood. Tit for tat. You want to eat like a third worlder? Fine then ship your dumb-ass to the Sahara and live there without a job or internship. You will be eating dry rice every day. Every. Day. Your dream come true.

Why?

Extraneous! Extraneous! Extraneous!
Why torture yourself? Its obviously not going to stop global warming. It wont even buy us a minute. Is it going to get you laid? Your veganism wont, but your drugs might help. It is going to help you live longer? Probably not. Even if it gave you 5 years to your life, does dying at 70 that different from dying at 75? So you forfeit any pleasure from food for the rest of your life just to live an extra few years, if that’s even the case? That’s why veganism needs to be seriously studied and attributed towards mental illness. If anorexia is a disease, than so should veganism. Its actually worse because people who suffer from anorexia aren’t super bombastic. “Psh. You eat? Gross”

Solution

I propose a quarantine for vegans, just in case this affliction spreads to the youth. Lets give them North Richmond and people from North Richmond should move into North Berkeley. I think its fair. Maybe the toxins from Chevron and the lack of employment opportunities will shake some goddamn sense into their dense minds. It may be “cool” to eat like a starving man, until you are actually starving, man.