Vanity Spare

10 jamz i jammed this week

2009-06-22T18:30:00.000-07:00

Jesus this makes me feel like a 14 year old girl, but fuck it. Every Monday I'm gonna try to list ten jamz that got me through the week. ...until I get bored of it and quit. Think of it as a nice weekly mix tape from a boy that likes you and just won't give up until you get your older brother to egg his house. Sound good? cool. ..oh yeah just to be clear: these are not obscure bands, or bands to watch or bullshit like that, these are fucking JAMZ. The kind you dance (or cry, or whatever) in your room to.

Prince- I feel for you
I love me some Chaka Khan but the Prince version stayed in heavy rotation this week

Death- Keep on knockin
Reissued cult classic Detroit proto-punk from three African American brothers.

Gucci Mane- Running Back
Gucci Mane is super stoked on everything. Bonus!: string and beatbox (!?) breakdown

The Zeros-Beat your heart out
The Mexican Ramones

The Ramones- I wanna live
The American Ramones

Cerebra Ballzy- Insuficient Fare
New School hardcore

Black Flag-Depression
I saw the Decline of Western Civilization part 1 again recently so this song has burrowed into my brain.

Nobunny- I am a girlfriend
Do yourself a favor see this guy live. Fun and creepy at the same time. He should be playing Oakland plenty this summer

Bill Withers- The same love that made laugh

Chandra- Kate
Awesome early 80's postpunk by a 12 year. A fucking 12 year old

Update: Fuck! Imeem only lets you play 30 seconds of a song, click the "Play full song" link for the, you know, full song. Blogs!

Brandon jennings in Oakland?!!!

2009-06-22T12:10:00.000-07:00

I swear to god, that if the stupid warriors dont pick brandon jennings or a similar point gaurd in the upcoming draft, i will call moses himself and make him do some biblical shit on the CEO's of this hopeless franchise. They must fuck up on purpose right? do they seriously not watch these highlights? or are they too busy jerking each other off. all the warriors need is a power foward, a point gaurd, get rid of maggette and crawford and we're set. thats it. simple as cake.

Mika Miko Business cats video

2009-06-05T14:20:00.000-07:00

This video is a few years old but still pretty spectacular. I may have seen them at a house party a while ago but im not sure. I dont know what happened to their old drummer but she rocks it out pretty hard in this video( she also looks like ann from Arrested development, her?). Where are these types of girls in the bay area? Man LA is getting cooler by the minute. They kind of remind me of dad fag, another cool retro punk band. enjoy!

Major Lazer Music Video!

2009-06-03T23:23:00.000-07:00

Fuckk all dem months called May. Yea its been a minute but if you want more updates give me some munnny honey. MAJOr LAZER video what up? i thought the high pitched voice was andy milonakis but its santigold. similar eh? no boot aboot it. Speaking of canada, hockey finals. hopefully the penguins win. offense needs to one a championship once in a while. Umm just remember this crazy amazing climaxing band is coming to SF this month. get tickets now!!!

click here for mjrlzr tickets bitch
i cant go because i gotta work like a pussy but everyone else should go. Ha beat that fader i beat you to this video! i think. meh

Upcoming movies: Nine and Whatever works. trailers.

2009-05-15T16:04:00.000-07:00

I dont really like musicals.........but i do like Daniel Day Lewis and i liked chicago. Who didnt though right? right?? I guess DDL's character is based off of Fellini (the director not the bad cafe in berkeley) In all seriousness i wont see this in theaters because i would rather buy three 40's for the same price but eventually i'll see it some time next year when its available for dvd bit torrent download. the academy will probably suck DDL's weeny again and nominate him for an oscar and he probably deserves it. But come on hollywood lets get some other Latina woman other than penelope. she aiight but it took a nose job to make her look aiight. Maybe if you isolationists will go to spain or some other country you will realize that there are hotter ethnic women in the world. wait what the fuck? fergie is in this movie? who is her agent because she has gone the farthest in hollywood without having any talent whatsoever. but then again she plays a whore so that makes sense.

Now this is the movie that i will spend 12 dollars to see. Woody allen and Larry david!?!?!?Fuck yeah bitch. And with a new season of Curb coming out soon i think i will be hanging out (virtually) with larry david all summer. I think this comedy will suffice until the ricky gervais movie comes out in the fall. Plus its filmed in New york, uhh why shouldnt you see this movie?

Carlos is from Orange County Song!!!!Remix!

2009-05-09T21:19:00.000-07:00

Carlos from orange county remixed song. Once again if you dont know carlos this wont be relevant or somewhat funny. you should probably read some other meaningless blog post. ( i had to put this song on bandcamp, imeem sucks by the WAY)

<a href="http://lesayoh.bandcamp.com/track/carlos-is-from-oc">Carlos is from oc by L.E. Say oh</a>

Artest! Rockets!B-ball

2009-05-07T10:07:00.000-07:00

Now that the Warriors aren't in the playoffs im rooting for the Rockets to beat the lakers. Mostly because of Ron Artest. that dude doesnt give a fuck (even more so than Crawford). He's pretty funny and i wish the warriors would have gotten him last year but im sure there is a clause that stephen jackson and artest could never be on the same team ever again. Sure Kobe can do somersaults while shooting and dunking at the same time, but he is a pussy compared to Artest. I want to see Rockets and Nuggets in conference finals. Artest vs. birdman? cooooo.

Ron Artest: 'I Suck,' Is BK Hiring? (MySpace Exclusive)

Buraka Som Sistema - Aqui Para voces!!!Jizzzz

2009-05-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

Damn i dont buy records, but this group is probably going to change my mind. I did get 16 dollars for my tax refund. thanks bush! Video is trippy, angola-portugal unite! This song is unreal tournament 4 so many rhythms going on i dont know which limb to move first. Dont understand 85% of what the girl is saying but its all good and genius. Like a chummmmp i missed them 10 days too late so this video will suffice until they resurface on this side of the pond.

Werdplay music video. My big wheel

2009-05-03T15:12:00.000-07:00

WEEERRRRD? This beat is unbelievable. Chuck is back on the beat! Not really down with rappers (especially white ones) but this dude seems to have a personality and is pretty good with the wordsss. Eminem has turned into weird Al by just pretty much rapping about stuff that perez hilton blogs about, so i think this dude is going to be the king of white rappin. Video is cool as well.

Ben Gordon. the dumbest man of the universe.

2009-05-03T13:33:00.000-07:00

Ben Gordon is dumb as shit. He lost the series for the bulls with his jamal-crawford style shot selection. You aint kobe homie. (at least crawford is gangster, he dont give a fuck about no hoe). How you gonna shoot a pull up 3 on a 4 on 1 fast break? fucking stupid. he was 6 for 23 or some shit. If its not falling, dont shoot man. The bulls need to get rid of him and let rose do his thing. This video clip pretty much describes Gordon in a nutshell.

2 drinks to try out at bars this weekend.

2009-05-01T15:30:00.001-07:00

Fernet and Coke(or soda).
This is what the kids drink in Argentina, and it fucks you up. (Its 45% alcohol, more than whiskey!) After one or two with coke i switch it up and bat with soda, even out my sugar level. Its made from artichoke! but has a mint taste and it gives you fresh breath after you drink it.

The Presbyterian.
Whiskey with half soda half 7up. As a strong atheist i always feel weird asking for this drink especially when most bartenders in the bay dont know how to make these so i feel like a douche telling them what to do. But this an amazing drink. Im not really a sugar person so it has a good balance. Yeah i got lazy with these pics but whatever suck it.

total trash - ghostown may 2

2009-05-01T11:10:00.000-07:00

This show must be off the H, if they are charging 9 dollars, but ive never been disappointed by any of their shows at the G-town. so if you are bored by those same 5 bars that are in the east bay go to this show and listen to live music. its been a while huh?

Reasons why Europe is cooler than US

2009-04-27T15:32:00.000-07:00

Reason #1: They have good House music. I would rather watch this video than the "single ladies" Beyonce video. no homo. Yelle is ok but this remix is the s.h.i.t. People hate on house (me included) but when you start going to clubs in spain its all they play. you learn to love it, like "how i met your mother."

D-Lo No hoe. no hoe. no hoe

2009-04-26T12:07:00.000-07:00

Hyphy. hella hard. The genius is the simplicity of the song obviously made with fruity loops. This song is addictive by the wayyys. The first version is the original and the other is the remix with E-40 and some other bay area fools. cotdamn.

With e-40

Demetri Martin - Taking Woodstock

2009-04-23T13:30:00.000-07:00

Demetri Martin in an Ang Lee film? yeah buddyyyy. - Hopefully Martin's tv show gets picked up again. I mean how long will Mencia stay on the telly? Its like watching tar dry next to a racist fake mexican -.

Don't care for hippies but this movie looks pretty cool and it just got into the Cannes Film Festival. I trust Ang Lee to make sound judgments on his movies. Plus he helped an Argentine win an oscar. I doubt anyone will walk out of this movie saying "best movie ever" but im sure they will be pleasantly entertained. Its better than wasting two hours watching Christian Bale staring serious at someone and then yelling at them (referring to the upcoming terminator movie, isnt it tasteless to release a movie that already has a decrepit tv series still going on?) Christian Bale is like the 'Korn' of actors. You dudes are hella rich, why are ya'll so angry all the time, I'm just sayin'.

.... Liev Shreiber!!

Mjr Lzr. the truth

2009-04-23T12:39:00.000-07:00

ahh finally music to get excited about. Brenton wood is the shit and all but his songs are like twice as old as me. Obviously this is on FADER, but sometimes people forget to go on that website. Plus i kinda got tired of that andy milonakis song (that dude is 30 or something!) Song made me cream myself...yeah crude humor rocks!

Is it hot? you need some Big pun and a cosmo!

2009-04-21T18:41:00.000-07:00

Today was hella hot. it was humid muggy nasty dirty south hot. When it gets this hot i just want to hear "still not a player" near a body of water. Does anyone have a pool in the bay? Jeez i needs to go down to LA. When are we going to do a hip hop beach party? probably soooooooon. Super stories after this weekend, the devil is coming. What happened to Joe? should've bought a last name in the nineties bra bra. Oh and Miss california is still ffiiiiinnne. you dont need that crown boo boo.

Chase Bank commercial uses John Lennon song. Cool for us.

2009-04-18T21:51:00.000-07:00

As many TV goers know, Chase is using Instant Karma by John Lennon for their ad campaign for taking over WAMU. Awesome. I'm glad they used our money to make shitty commercials with a blue video filter and taint a great lennon song. I guess lennon wasnt a good enough singer so they paid a Rob-thomas sound-alike to cover it. Im sure that fool is getting paid but will most likely contract full blown ebola-aids for being a douche. Instant karma, dick. Did yoko ono let this happen? strike 2 bitch. Im not going to put the commercial up here because thats letting the terrorist win so i'll just put up the original. Capitalism is sooooooo cool.

Melting Point Music Video!!!!NEW!

2009-04-14T17:03:00.000-07:00

New, fresh like a blossoming daffodil. The first music video of Berkeley's Melting Point "Boy from outer space" filmed with RED cameras. Watch it in high quality. Especially for the hot chick in the video.Mmmmm aliens.
their myspace

R n B Millionaires. hollerrrrr

2009-04-14T14:11:00.000-07:00

This is a new group from oakland. A-maize-ING. Probably the best R&B out there, they dont over extend their songs by repeating the chorus 7 times like most songs out there. And every song has rich melodies and creative beats. (they sampled cameron paul in '1st dance' represent San HoeSay) The best thing is that these songs aren't contrived or masturbatory like most new independent music. (Im looking at you pavement and folky kids) Cant wait for the mixtape. Finally got some new songs for the summer. (dont worry james brown, you are still in the mix)

Pee Ess. Check out Out da Club, they switch up the beats!
RnB millionaires myspace

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Hungry Like the Woolf

2009-04-08T23:49:00.000-07:00

So, I find a lot of people bring up Eat, Pray, Love to me lately. This may be my fault. I told people about the book; also, I have recently been to one of the places that serves as a backdrop to one of Elizabeth Gilbert's many! epiphanies!

For the record, those two things have nothing to do with one another, and the more people allude to the book, the increasingly I become put off by said book. (BTW Martina, the "Drink, Repent, Hate" joke totally clicked for me just now. It's funny, but it's a little worrisome for me that it took a month for the reference to register. B'ah!)

Like, I'm too tired to get into this right now (Chorus: COP OUT!) but really, my likes and dislikes for E. Gilbert's memoirs are beside the point of this entry. What I really want to share is the following passage:

"Virginia Woolf wrote, 'Across the broad continent of a woman's life falls the shadow of a sword.' One one side of the sword, there lies convention and tradition and order, where 'all is correct'. But on the other side of that sword, if you're crazy enough to cross it and choose a life that does not follow convention, 'all is confusion. Nothing follows a regular course.' Her argument was that the crossing of the shadow of the sword may bring a far more interesting existence to a woman, but you can bet that it will also be more perilous."

There. I had to preface the quote because if you Google it, all the search returns refer to E, P, L so I might as well be honest about where I found it, right? I'm a little frustrated that I can't find the full quotation in context, which may mean my interweb research skills are poor, or I was just an inattentive English major for not knowing off-hand which of Woolf's works it comes from.

I dunno. Maybe it was part of the material covered in 45C, but that was the semester I was falling asleep in the back of the lecture halls. (Wassup, squeaky chairs in LeConte!)

Anyway, if you're still reading - I think V. Woolf said some pretty legit stuff, so...make of it what you will.

Seacrest out!

Public Enemies. yeah buddy

2009-04-07T22:02:00.000-07:00

I figure i put a trailer of a movie that i do want to see. Public Enemies might not win any oscars but you cant go wrong with '30s style mobster movies. John Dillinger? what up!

'Cool-ass' Depp, 'Crazy-ass' Bale, 'sexy-ass' Cotillard. Cant go wrong.
Michael Mann directing?! he's alright. Heat was good until the ending. Miami vice and Ali were big pieces of wafting shit. But then again the Insider was a great suspenseful movie that established Russell Crowe's career.

So we'll see how this turns out but i doubt Depp will make a crappy serious movie. He does make crappy childish movies but thats ok, kids cant tell the difference. Plus the producers have some balls for releasing this movie in the summer so it must be that good. Hopefully by that time the recession will have rescinded and i can actually afford to pay 14 dollars to see this movie.

ps. Billy Crudup plays J. Edgar Hoover. brilliant. <---being sincere.

Are you obsessed? nope.

2009-04-07T16:21:00.000-07:00

I saw a trailer of this movie on TV. I thought it was a goof, but apparently its a real movie. Beyonce still thinks she can act and has to be in the limelight every two weeks or she will wither into oblivion. Her over indulgent and contrived way of acting ruined the third Austin powers movie and made me not want to watch dreamgirls. She also played etta james in Cadillac Records. Qua? People must have forgotten that etta james was fat and ugly, not skinny and pretty like beyonce.

"I'll show you crazy" oh yeah beyonce? i guess the executive producer showed you crazy by allowing this project to be made. The storyline is beyond realistic and i think this is a TV movie of the week remake. The director is Steve Shill who is a TV director which makes sense because of the lesser than mediocre plot twists that this movie seems to have. This trailer actually tells you the story and end in 2 minutes. So my basis for this review is solid. I am going to go ahead and guess that this movie will be nominated for a razzie next year. I would rather watch a 90 minute version of any Geico commercial. At least those are original and sometimes entertaining. When will Beyonce go away? probably when she starts getting compared to dane cook in acting ability. Oh and Jerry O'Connell is the supporting actor, so that will appeal to the "no one cares "demographic

Vegans need to go.

2009-04-03T13:34:00.000-07:00

You’re a vegan? For reals? You sure you’re not being “facetious”? (Inept dilettantes like using this word now, thinking it may elevate their intelligence but it doesn’t.) So you stop eating anything delicious just to make a point? And what point is that? That you are a cunt? (I'm only calling you cunts because I don’t know your hippie names personally) There is no reason whatsoever to be a vegan. Not even for diet purposes. If you want to lose weight, then exercise bitch. Its unnatural, it’s elitist, it’s an obvious proud product of economic imperialism, and it’s a serious sign of being mentally ill.

Unnatural.

Whatever some stupid upper class dalai lama-lover told you that being vegan is being one with nature and the elements of the universe is a drugged out imbecile. Our teeth are used to break down and chew meat. We take necessary nutrients and fats needed to grow and stay healthy. Why do you think its illegal to feed a baby a vegan diet? Because there aren’t sufficient vitamins and nutrients in that raw piece of East Indian grass you got there beatnik. You will go straight to jail if you do not give your baby the meat it needs.

As humans we have been eating meat since we began to walk upright but yeah of course. You’re right liberal douche bag. Your diet is the best and only way to have a healthy diet. The millenniums of human evolution fucked up and you’re ideology is inherently correct because, after all, you do have a bachelors in Sustainable Peach Growing from UC Berkeley, you cant be wrong about it. I mean every developed country in the world (even some of the non developed ones) have healthy citizens that live into their 70’s and eat chicken, pork, and even…dun dun DUN… RED MEAT.

The myth that beef is bad for you is as stupid and overdone as crocs and snuggies. Argentina, for example, eats more red meat than any country in the world and they don’t have an obesity epidemic, YOU Americans do. Maybe it’s the shit fast food that caused the obesity problem, not the cows themselves. You can never blame greed and corporations can you? Of course not because you worry yourself with platitudinous subjects like animal rights instead of pertinent topics like war, exploitation and poverty. It might be because those topics are too complex for you to understand so you cry over some dogs that Mr. Vick may or may not have killed. (I hope the raiders sign him)

Background Life

If you are a Vegan, it is most likely that your momma didn’t know how to cook or she refused to cook. Because if anyone in this world has had any homemade meals than they know how delicious REAL food can be. No restaurant in the world is better than your mom’s cooking, if, that is, your momma knew how to cook. Most likely you are anglo-saxon white if you had some bland-ass dry-ass gross-ass food growing up, because if you are any other ethnicity you have no excuse for growing up with bad food. Growing up with bad food is something that needs to be explored by your therapist in great detail, because in my professional opinion (yes I am a professional, just because I don’t get paid doesn’t mean my shit aint gold mutha fucka) if you are deprived of homemade meals as a child, that is straight up abuse and you don’t have to take it. Just go to your nearby taqueria and get yourself some al pastor tacos, it will not cure you, but it will relieve some pent up aggression towards your horrible and malicious parents.

Semantics

Vegans supposedly don’t eat food products that come from animals. Word? …What the fuck is wrong with you? Does honey count, because that shit is delicious, I would eat honey even with bees stuck inside. Chomp Chomp.
Ok so milk and cheese is out, which leaves you with what? Just fruits and vegetables? But what about fruits and vegetables that grew in fertilizer that was made from Horse poo? Oh so you cant even eat vegetables that was farmed with animal manure? Damn you vegans got it rough. Fuck Darfur, give these Vegans some humanitarian aid, no wonder they look so gaunt. Poor pussy Yippies, if only they could obtain some protein and fat into their weak system.

Oh and from now on, if you want to be pretentious to us non vegans, then you can’t use the name of our foods and change the entire recipe. Cheese, for example, comes from either a cow, a goat, or a lady, not from soy or some other useless plant. Curdled piss looks like cheese but we don’t call it cheese now do we….do we? Or there is this thing called vegannaise (I hope I'm spelling it wrong) which is a vegan substitute to mayonnaise. This substitute contains soy protein, brown rice syrup and some other nasty shit that, not surprisingly, taste like nasty ass shit. Stop trying to trick your taste buds, if you want some mayonnaise, eat some mayonnaise, if not shut the fuck up and finish your dirt pie AS IS.

Addressing the Vegans

You want to partake in these paradoxical events (Cheese without the cheese, mayonnaise without eggs) because you want to have your cake and it eat too, but of course without any butter. You seem to believe that you are entitled to reject foods of the masses and urban underlings and enjoy your selective poorly-farmed food products that cost more money because it allows your ego to grow and condescend upon the rest of the population. Your superiority is constantly questioned (Segregation is gone, everyone can afford tv’s and ipods, a black man is president) and so now you must create an elitist pseudo culture in order to validate your puny and insipid existence.

Do you know how hard other countries laugh at your ascetic ways? Even the starving laugh, but at the same time cry because they do not have the luxury to even think about choosing to be vegan. The starving are SO vegan that they don’t eat anything. What now 35 year old-dreadlocked-white guy from Walnut Creek. How insulting is that? Has a vegan person ever met a poor person? How would that conversation go?

Haitian – “You are from America yes?”
Vegan – “Aw man, don’t judge me for than maaann. That’s why I'm traveling dude, just trying to get away from all those negative vibes there man.
Haitian – “Well it is nice that you get to travel. I must stay here in my poor village to work and feed my mother and sisters. As you know, there has been a food shortage in my country. I hear you Americans eat a lot?”
Vegan – “yea maaann. America is just filled with stupid fat white men. But that’s not me though bro. I’m a vegan, so I can get closer to the earth.
Haitian – “What is vegan?”
Vegan – “Oh let me tell you about it. Its this lifestyle where you only eat what is natural, no animals or animal products like cheese and milk. Just organic vegetables and fruits.”
Haitian – “So you cannot eat animals?”
Vegan – “Well I can, but I choose not to”
Haitian – “So you choose not to eat animals?...”
Vegan – “…yeah maaann. One with nature.”
Haitan – “Can we exchange passports?”

Just like gentrification, veganism is another pernicious bloodsport that bored wealthy people are participating in, due to their lack of culture and family bonding. They obviously do not realize their insensitive racism and ignorance that they emit into society because they never consider the opposite situation.
You want to move into the ghetto? That’s good, then we send one ghetto ass kid into your suburban neighborhood. Tit for tat. You want to eat like a third worlder? Fine then ship your dumb-ass to the Sahara and live there without a job or internship. You will be eating dry rice every day. Every. Day. Your dream come true.

Why?

Extraneous! Extraneous! Extraneous!
Why torture yourself? Its obviously not going to stop global warming. It wont even buy us a minute. Is it going to get you laid? Your veganism wont, but your drugs might help. It is going to help you live longer? Probably not. Even if it gave you 5 years to your life, does dying at 70 that different from dying at 75? So you forfeit any pleasure from food for the rest of your life just to live an extra few years, if that’s even the case? That’s why veganism needs to be seriously studied and attributed towards mental illness. If anorexia is a disease, than so should veganism. Its actually worse because people who suffer from anorexia aren’t super bombastic. “Psh. You eat? Gross”

Solution

I propose a quarantine for vegans, just in case this affliction spreads to the youth. Lets give them North Richmond and people from North Richmond should move into North Berkeley. I think its fair. Maybe the toxins from Chevron and the lack of employment opportunities will shake some goddamn sense into their dense minds. It may be “cool” to eat like a starving man, until you are actually starving, man.

O.G. Hipster of the moment: Chloe Sevigny

2009-03-31T12:45:00.000-07:00

Unlike her costar in Brown Bunny Vincent Gallo, Chloe is actually talented and under 47 years of age (she only 34, so technically still in her prime). She is another graduate of the Kids movie and has garnered the most success. (Rosario Dawson may be more "popular" but lets face it she is a one trick pony always playing the dark-puerto-rican-from-brooklyn character. Bo-ring). She used to model for H&M -paving the way for future European hipsters- nominated for an oscar, and she plays a frazzled Mormon on HBO (In the year 2000, Hipsters will soon claim Mormonism, as how they currently claim Morrissey-ism).

Speaking of Morrissey, she was THIS for Halloween a few years ago. Clever girl. This costume makes up for bobbing up Vinny in the ending scene of Brown Bunny. I really despise that dude. I just realized that 'Gallo' means 'Cock' in spanish. Ha!

Chloe also rejected $500,000 to be in Legally Blonde as Reese Witheredpoon's number 2. Thats legit. I mean i wouldnt act with Reese either, she always destroys the careers of her costars. Just ask Mark Ruffalo, Ryan Phillippe, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Matthew Broderick and of course Whackin Phoenix. That trick is scary.
Back to Chloe. Now even though she dresses like a 15 year old Scandinavian boy 85 percent of the time, she is a shockingly gorgeous woman. Maybe thats what the Shock Doctrine's about. Good call Naomi Klein.

Compartmentalization is So Yesterday.

2009-03-30T11:34:00.000-07:00

Salman Rushdie was at Perez Hilton's birthday party this past weekend.

WHAT?!

That was my immediate reaction. I let it sit for awhile, but it is still blowing my mind, ten minutes later.

Given the other guests in attendance, can you imagine the small talk at this party?

-"So what do you do?"
-"I am a Booker Prize-winning author."
-"Neat. I have a reality TV show, Keeping Up With the Kardashians."

===
So, for all the homebodies out there - next time you're tempted to stay in on a weekend and read a book, reconsider: WWSRD?

Beige Girl Movie Review: They're Just Not That Into You

2009-03-27T02:44:00.000-07:00

We went to the movie to have a girls night. And it’s true, we did learn a lot about our failed romances of the past and future. As a white woman, I enjoyed the movie. The problem is, as it has sometimes been for me, that I am only half white. Can a “chick flick” speak to me as a woman when it does not address all parts of me? The only person darker than me with a name in the movie was Javier . . . the construction worker.

White People Part:
He's Just Not That Into You has about 10 main characters and some pop up halfway through the movie (Q: Ben Affleck? A: Drew Barrymore but no Cammy Diaz!) There are too many characters to call them by anything but the actors’ names and in reality, all of the actors are on screen for such short time that they cannot play anything but Clint Eastwood versions of themselves. Plot description aside: this is not really that kind of movie review. Anyways, you already know what movies like these are about and if you don’t I’m kinda about to give away the plot. They are mostly late 20 somethings trying to eff, with Jennifer Aniston’s overtanned old lady whiskers still desperately hanging on. Although her voice grates and still reminds me of Rachel at every turn, her Old Yeller familiarity makes her one of the most likable characters. Dang! This movie’s got me crazy! When did I start rooting for J-An?

Brown People Part:
He’s Just Not That Into You is set in the city of Baltimore, (decidedly not “B-More” or “Bawlmore”) among a circle of white yuppies. It was refreshing to see a movie with white people set in a real city, because most white people in movies seem to be citizens of a secret garden that the rest of us never see, as if Hollywood backlots have a hidden population of 100 million people and--that’s where all the white people in California went!

Most American movies, in their capitalist attempts to be universal and appeal to a wide audience, assault us innocent in our armchairs with visions of no place. (Interestingly enough, the Truman’s Show’s fake town is the very real Disney sponsored “New Urbanist” suburb of Seaside, Florida, another case in which life imitates TV in a bad way). Ex: Of all people, those involved in the drug trade are known for their cunning linguistics. Yet in Pineapple Express, we hear maybe hundreds of slang words for weed but not one mention of the nickname or the actual name of the city.

But here is a movie that mimics real life in its on location shooting and daily reference to place. What itched me about the movie is that it seems false while being at the same time very true. Although “Baltimore” drips off the tongues of all of the characters and is featured on their business cards and the names of their independent publications, although yoga mats are rolled up and sushi is taken in, although they walk past black men carrying what look to be moving (out) boxes on the streets of their proudly acknowledged “neighborhood in transition,” still the characters immediate worlds are 100% Mayberry 1950’s I-love-Lucy-but-Ricky-is-a-tad-Commie white. That the characters still live in a yupper-class white bubble that could just as easily be suburban Oregon proves true the theory that increasingly people do not live in the same mental world as their immediate physical neighbor but instead orbit in a series of like minded neighborhoods in various cities (“Williamsburg meet Silver Lake,” “And Silver Lake my good friend, Williamsburg”).

(On the other other hand, man, I’m sumthin like Shiva, it was also refreshing to see white people who don’t use the phrase “aware of my privilege.” After all, what I am asking is for white culture to acknowledge it's exclusivity, but the minute it does, I’m on my period and I changed my mind! Bitches is crazy . . . but only cus you got crazy first. Still, thank you Baltimore elite for not mimicking the San Franglos who date Affirmative Action, listen to Heiroglyphics or drop Barack Obama’s name so much that they should wash out their mouth after with 10 “no homo” Hail Marys.)

There are rare glimpses of John Waters' beloved working class and proudly cracker city such as Kris Kristofferson as Jennifer Aniston’s crusty retired longshoreman father (I see a limp like that I’m going straight On The Waterfront). When Scarlett Johannsen pours her ample breasts onto the fold out ironing board and says “we had one of these in my house growing up, only my mom used it as a desk,” you can re-envision her bleached curls and hussy sexuality as a working class girl speaking the truth and living it, while the upper classes hide their libidos behind the Crate&Barrel curtains in their refurbished townhomes.

In a city that is 65% black (according to Wikipedia, The People's Source) only once does a black woman appear as a close up and she is simply an interaction. Justin Long interrupts making out with her to answer Ginnifer Goodwin’s call, so her only lines are “slop, slop, slurp--”

The only other nameless COCs are Drew Barrymore's posse which includes, you guessed it!, a Gaysian and none other than Ms. Wilson Cruz of My So-Called Life and Rent fame checking both the Latin and Black boxes for Barrymore's aptly named Flower Films production company. Always the advice giver, never the BJ getter.

When Luis Guzman appeared as Javier (as in “Javier, didn’t I tell you to tarp the table before you sanded the walls?!”), Natasha and I turned to each other and said “He’s going to get with Jennifer Connolly! Best plot twist eva!” But alas, she berates him for smoking when really the cigarettes she has found belong to her cheating husband. She berates him with the same robotic rage that she later throws a carefully antiqued mirror to the ground and then quickly sweeps it up. After, in a bout of semi regret she says “Are we cool, Javier?” and he says “Yeah, we’re cool” (. . .crazy white bitch).

For a moment that sacred Fourth Wall drops on the construction site and the supposed white audience makes accidental contact with Luis Guzman’s squinty brown eyes. We see that Jennifer Connolly is a cold bitch whose ignorance (and this is a stretch) can only be pitied because, like my 6 year old laptop, she is too far gone for repair. Eventually her husband will leave her, so that she is unlovable by ethnic people standards is superceded by the fact that even white people don’t like her! This is a 21st century tactic used to keep Casper the friendly ghost of racism alive. The original lovable bigot was Archie Bunker and in the 1971 that was original (racial timeline: Barack Obama is 10 years old and being mistaken for native Hawaiian because in the white eye black people don’t look like that yet).

But be here now in “post-racial” 2009 with two little Indira Gandhi looking mixed babies plunking down $20 in hard cashed unemployment checks to see a romantic comedy (psych! It was 2 for 1 day at the discount theatre). Hollywood was like, damn I know the 80’s are over, but I gotta do these white lines and pretend the cleaning lady can't see. So, just as with Michael Scott in The Office, they stuff their ignorance in a likeable but unfortunately ‘tarded character. 21st century White America: Likeable but Unfortunately ‘Tarded.

And This Is For My Laaadies:
The movie’s underlying message, that women are so preoccupied with analyzing men’s actions while men are off actually having fun, can also be applied to American race relations. (Who knew? I did!) Justin Long seems to imply to Ginnifer Goodwin that women enjoy this masochistic analytical minutae because without it, we would realize the emptiness of their lives. (Our interests as women, afterall, are supposed to be shopping and gymmin it aka wasting time to look more fuckable). So do we, the emasculated “minority” population of both men and women, hate on La Whitey so much to distract ourselves from the fact that there’s not a whole lot else that we really have? I’ve been called a Pocha and I’m not even Mexican. (“That was way harsh, Tai.”) It’s like what I “overhear” the under 18 set saying these days on facebook: “iF yOu hAtE mE, tHeN wHy yOu aLwAyS kEePiN mY nAmE iN yO mOuTh?"

Moral of the story: White America wants to buy you a drank and F the S out of U but will not return your calls, texts or MySpace messages. Welp, at least I’m drunk!

There was another message that women were the true winners because at least they had feelings and a certain. . . sensibility. Maybe I was distracted from this message by Ginnifer Goodwin’s goofy delivery (she’s no Molly Ringwald and I had that awful haircut and color my junior year in college during one of my 95 identity crises). But the idea of sensitivity as a certain superior form of living and superpower has been mentioned specifically for women of color by Gloria Anzaldua (“La Facultad”) and Angela “My” Nissel (“Colored folks have a certain sixth sense” her mother says. I’m misquoting cus I leant the book out, but you know). I’m sure others have said it. We hope for a more ethical three dimensional ordering of the world.

Maybe all the hating is because we notice the absence of our total selves and the inclusion of our partial selves in multiple worlds. It’s true, I could so easily fit in this movie like I do in car commercials, as the light skinned-ed vaguely ethnic but obviously white washed best friend or coworker (apparently we ride in the back, but damn we are having a good time!). What we notice is the absence of friends and family more frighteningly ethnic. Does anyone want to buy a car marketed toward underweight Fobby Asian seniors who can only sometimes reach the pedals?

(What frightens me then is that I could so easily fit into this world of ethnic products but no real ass ethnic people. I was asked once if I was a WOC. I replied what, “woman on computer?” If I am in fact a woman of color, would people need to ask?)

The only movie in the theatre that wouldn’t have pissed me off was Tyler Perry’s Madea Goes to Jail. There I may have noticed my exclusion as well, but it is for the inclusion of all into pop culture, so I forfeit my rage. (Respect where respect is due: Wu-Tang was pro-AZN like a decade before white people started eating raw fish). So ?uavelove suggests, why not an multiracial buddy movie: Madea and Ernest Go To Jail? Le sigh. I guess I’m waiting for the next Harold & Kumar installment. Or we make our own 21st Century Reality Bytes: Elroy Caballero’s Martina Goes To Therapy.

I write this now as a grown ass woman who can separate "white" from "wong" as they say. But remember seeing Now & Then and wishing so hard that that was your life, your mom? Yeah. So thank you White America, for spicing up another one of my Friday nights. And for distracting me from what I really didn’t want to think about: my ex-boyfriend. Cus really, I wouldn’t want to call a crazy bitch back either.

“I mean to put you in company with the young African-American girl who discovers she is like Jane Austen. How so? In temperament, in sensibility, in some way she recognizes and approves. Then this thrilling recognition brings a cloud of shame to her spontaneity-I write of myself, of course . . . She notices her absence. Another girl her age, or a girl from another age, would not notice: would not need to notice.”
–Richard Rodriguez*, Brown: The Last Discovery of America, 2002.

*sorry y'all hate him. more for me!

Vindication!

2009-03-26T22:08:00.000-07:00

On tonight's episode of '30 Rock', we learned that Jack throws up when he gets too excited.

See guys? It's a real thing - it happens to people other than me!

Also, thumbs up for Kenneth's muppet-populated worldview - that's pretty much me, too.

Hummers? Toss 'em

2009-03-18T14:41:00.000-07:00

Let me disclaim myself by stating openly that i dont really care about being green. If you really want to stop global warming you are going have to stop capitalism. You recycling your cans of garbanzo beans is not going to save the future. So my critique of Hummers is not an ecological one, but rather a logical one. I saw one of these monstrosities in north berkeley and it blew my mind that people still drove Hummers. Have you been in one? its not that cool. if you are going to go full decadent on society you might as well buy a limo at least plebeian people will think you are a movie star or someone important.

What goes through people's minds when they buy these useless prodigal machines? is it "Hmm I want a vehicle that they use in the military. a chopper is too expensive...yeah thats it! I'll buy a hummer." Or "I really want to waste 50 grand on nothing that will elevate me as a person but rather make me seem like a piece of white trash that just found 50 grand. Hummer it is." At least those pussy hemi dodge trucks can be used to move things like ikea furniture or whatever these wacked out yuppies buy them for, but a hummer is absolutely inutile.

Obama should personally go door to door and find the lavish whores who own these shitcars and draft them and their hummers into the army and make them be of service to this country. "You want to support this country? Take your military car and help us in Iraq you piece of flying cunt shit."

Hello World! Not.

2009-03-16T15:12:00.001-07:00

This is my first song, tell me what you think. All three of you.

For Mowgli. - man-cub

My President Is Half White

2009-03-12T15:18:00.000-07:00

Bout a month ago, Hua Hsu wrote an article in the Atlantic Monthly called The End of White America. Using "the End of . . ." is a cheap trick (see Francis Fukuyama's the End of History) but the title is alarming, alluring, especially considering the author's name. Better a lapdog attack than a Rottweiler he,he. What Hsu is really discussing is the Birth of White America (commonly confused with the 1910 film, The Birth of A Nation). Cus when I your age, back in the 90's, kid, White America was called. . . America.

In the 21st century, there is a specific set of culture and values we can attribute to our (shrinking) group of brethren and it shouldn't just be guilt. A little shame never hurt anyone though. White History Month Fact: white people invented punk rock, man!

And let me let you in on a little secret.. . dude, my dad is white!

Then what to call this new race? I flirted with Whitese-Americans, but it looks better on screen. Coming off the tongue, it sounds like the name of a minstrel show. And don't go tryin to call yourself Irish-American now because if you ain't been Irish in a generation, you ain't Irish now (Unless you plan on putting out an album called the Micktape, in which case, by all means. . .)

So you don't get to call yourself what you want? It sucks, doesn't it? But that means you're American! Congratulations! You didn't even have to take the citizenship test!

White America is losing its virginity. It feels kinda weird at first but uh trust me, girl, it gets better . . . This isn't the end of anything except the end of white people being able to engage with the world strictly on their own terms. (Take yo pills and eventually you'll forget the the ole straight jacket is even on :))

So welcome to the world, baby girl! Now maybe this can be a great country.

"The days of pure whites, the victors of today, are as numbered as the days of their predecessors. Having fulfilled their destiny of mechanizing the world, they themselves have set, without knowing it, the basis for the new period: The period of the fusion and mixing of all peoples."
-Jose Vasconcelos from La Raza Cosmica (1925)

"Carlos is not my friend" song

2009-03-05T12:34:00.000-08:00

We miss Carlos and so hopefully this song will lure him back to the bay area. If you dont know Carlos (aka carlitos guey, aka buttlos) then this song will be of no use to you.

carlos is not my friend - L.E.Say Oh

Young man's Guide to survive the economic crisis

2009-03-03T17:41:00.000-08:00

1. Don't get a credit Card. If you want to buy something, save up and pay with "straight cash homey"

2. Guys get a vasectomy. Girls get an IUD. Babies are expensive and annoying. Wait until you are 30.

3. Learn how to cook. Its cheap and healthy. If you are eating junk food all the time, you will eventually get fat, which will not get you any action, which will bring in depression, which will lead to a suicide, that is if the junk food hasn't clogged your arteries by then.

4. Stop trying to be middle class. Unnecessary stress and its a boring group to be part of.

5. Stop paying for cable. There is nothing worth watching on it. Chappelle show is gone and the warriors suck. Netflix is cheaper and better.
LADIES!!!: They have almost every episode of Law and Order ever made on its WATCH INSTANTLY section.

Tip: Enjoy the cheap gas now, because you know that shit is going to skyrocket and explode like apollo 13.

Bad famous bands that rip off good famous songs

2009-03-01T14:00:00.000-08:00

Jet had its fame in 2003 with their upbeat over-produced dance rock songs, but quickly fell out of the limelight when people figured out they had no talent. Their music is now being re-penetrated into mainstream TV with boring Budweiser commercials (now owned by a european company, so their beer is cool to drink now). here is the first hit that sounds way too similar to iggy pop's famous Lust for life. oh and this song was in What happens in Vegas (oscar worthy performance by Cameron Diaz, she never gets any love).

The Red Hot Chili Peppers were one of the best bands that came out of that innovative early nineties rock movement. After battling heroin addiction the peppers are still a popular band by appealing their music to toddlers and mental retards. This unauthorized remake of a tom petty song shows that maybe they should go back on heroin. As they say no junk no soul. Dani California? We get it anthony, your lyrics transcend language and meaning. Or it could be that your brain has turned into mayonnaise due to all the drugs you've done.

Coldplay. Coldgay. Crapplay. Crapgay. Why are they famous? They copied U2 in everything. But at least U2 had a good singer. Like U2, Coldplay superficially participate in pseudo causes and charities that do not actually help the poor but makes them seem "sensitive and caring" musicians. Chris Martin's inflated ego and his lack of style and vocal range makes him eligible to be a future replacement of Paula Abdul in American Idol. It is suspicious that he named his daughter Apple, while having a lucrative contract to make commercials with Ipod. Is that what he thinks fair trade is?

Big Friday Night!

2009-02-27T21:06:00.000-08:00

A thought I had on the potty:

If to "assume" makes an ASS out of U and ME, then to "assimilate" makes an ASS out of I and MI too LATE. It's no Britney song title but then again I was multi-tasking.

I randomly got chocolate on my hand while typing this on my roommates computer. What does that mean, God?

Hater Brigade presents: Why Slumdog Millionaire?

2009-02-25T22:38:00.000-08:00

I know people will disagree but my job as part of the Hater Brigade is to bring unpopular thoughts into very popular people or things. This particular thing is called Slumdog Millionaire. The feel good movie of the year needs to be attacked on its naïveté and lack of painting a full picture of India. I’m not saying its not a good movie, but that it is a fucked up movie.

The producers were extremely intelligent in who they would target as their demographic, and that was the middle class liberal crowd. Of course they would enjoy a rags to riches, superficial love plot, Horatio Alger type of movie to uplift the morale of the their mundane and useless bourgeois lives. It is the American guilt that seeks out these types of movies, thinking that their inaction against the empire will be absolved if they become aware of the problems of third world countries.

We exploit the shit out of Indian workers with outsourcing and dump millions of tons of our trash onto Indian soil without even thinking about the ecological and psychological repercussions. Although the role of American imperialism is a pertinent one, it is the hand of the British Empire that carved the hole that India is at now. So that could be why Americans adore this film because not 100 percent of India’s economic problems could be trailed to their tax dollars. This film would not have been made if it was set in Iraq and not India.

It could also be the “ethnic syndrome” that the American public suffers on occasion. Right now Indians are chic and en vogue. (Previous infatuation with Darjeeling Limited and MIA, yea she’s from Sri Lanka, but its all the same to us). Indians are more exotic than blacks, and are more relatable than latinos because they speak English. Queens English that is. Even Better. And to top it off they dance on cue, and they dance well. White people love other people dancing, for obvious reasons.

Instead of showing the poverty of India in a superficial and offensive way they could have delved into the reasons of why there are so many of the population living in substandard conditions. Or they could have focused on serious dilemmas of the nation like the Maoist rebels, terrorism, or possibly globalization that keeps these “slumdogs” in poverty. Instead they portray their poverty as innate and barbaric, which can only be titled as racist towards the Indian people. And the fact that the dude escaped poverty and became rich is a bigger “fuck you” to poor people saying, “if you have love and hope you can do anything, your socio-economic background is just an unnecessary crutch.”

So my last stanza is to the director. Fuck you Danny Boyle, you colossal cunt. Who are you to make a movie about the poor of India? It should have been an Indian. Simple. Its as despicable as it was for Mel Gibson’s aussie ass to make a movie about the Mayans. Apacolypto should be banned and burned. Where is Stalin when you need him? Round ‘em up Joey and send them to the Gulag! I wonder if Danny and Mel meet up and joke about how they have made millions from the stories of exploited and oppressed brown people. Well they will now

Danny Sightings - 1st entry

2009-02-23T18:49:00.000-08:00

Saturday Feb. 21. 11:35 a.m.
I saw danny in front of the French Hotel Cafe sitting at a table with two other degenerates. He seemed to be drinking a latte and occasionally gesturing with ebullience which made the other two people at his table laugh. I am disgusted.

Sunday Feb. 22. 8:03 p.m.
Danny is walking out of Barney's (The gourmet burger restaurant) with a friend. He is wearing a hat and a cardigan sweater. I think I have been spotted. Abort transmission.

Top 3 Top 10 Lists Inspired by All The Top 5 Lists in High Fidelity

2009-02-22T18:35:00.000-08:00

Top 10 Posses of All Time (that I am aware of at this point)

In no particular order except the first two:

1) Ghostwriter. Word! (associated acts: SLJ, Spike Lee, Julia Stiles and don't forget Marcella P. Lowry as Jamal Jenkins grandma)

2) Wu-Tang Clan because within the family, they also had individual economic freedom. Even the Mob doesn't roll like that. Xtra credit for making the word "clansmen" less scary.

3) Las Echo Parque Ladies from Mi Vida Loca. "I chose this life for myself."

4) Panthers. They kinda set the stage for a lot of the leather on this list. Panther Beret>Annie Hall Beret. Now they wear Cosby sweaters and Obama black tees when they table at UC-Berkeley. Forever stylin.

5) The Warriors from the movie of the same name, that is apparently being remade with Ice-T as the head dude who gets shot in the beginning (he would . . .) Why the team does not use "Warriors come out and playayay" to start their games is beyond me. Honorable mention: Rival gang, the Lizzies as NYC's first documented queer girl street clique.

6) The Ramones. Lil known fact: took their name and jackets from P-Reekin' street gangs.

7) The Greasers from The Outsiders. Practically a repeat of #6 but points for being that cool in Oklahoma City.

8) Wassup Rockers. I did the formula and they are well within my cougar number. Also, this was how I imagined Carlos' childhood when he told me he got hasseled by a cop whilst skating, but then he mentioned he had blue hair and was wearing a Slipknot shirt.

9) Oasis. The Brothers Gallagher will fuck you up! Or eachother up! Second only to Elastica in brit-pop fierceness. So fierce they tried to start an East Coast/East East Coast rivalry with Jay-Z. What?

10) Wayans Family (we love you, Kim! and your Tracy Chapman impression!)

(the first in a series of la Kim's young adult book for mixed kids)

DQ'd: Babysitter's Club, 12 Apostles.

Top Ten good bands that were ruined by their fans

2009-02-21T14:46:00.000-08:00

10.Dave Matthews Band
- This band is actually good musically, and Dave writes some nice melodies. But his devout fans linger in the zone somewhere between the words Cult and Cunt

9. Pavement
- Snobby awkward music nerds love them. Snobby awkward music nerds are abhorred by everyone else.

8. MIA
- She's hot, she makes her own music and rhymes, she has her own style, but yet her fans are 35 year old organic farmers who still dress like 15 year olds from Seattle.

7. Selena
- Her biggest fan killed her. yeah its kinda fucked up, but not as fucked up as having j-lo play her in her bio-pic. So you're telling me you couldn't find a mexican- american to play her? Come on...

6. MGMT
- Good band, wrong time to be famous on the radio. High school hipsters in training adore them while Pitchfork (young adult) hipsters hate them because of the fact that they are famous. The cycle continues

5. Pearl Jam
- A bit like dave matthews fans but more on the Cunt side.

4. Atmosphere
- Rich white hip-hop heads love him and exalt him to a point of a deity. I'm sure they will start jocking Joaquin Phoenix pretty soon.

3. Joy Division
- A lot of hip people like throwing out this name around even though they couldn't tell the difference between them and the Killers. Or name one of their songs that isnt "Love will tear us apart"

2. Sublime
- Meathead douchebag inept cunting assfucks think Sublime is the best band of all time. No they are not, they are good, but not even in the running of best band of all time. Listen to something else on occasion.

1. Bob Marley
- Bourgeois white kids turned Rastafarian have made him a martyr for the legalization of marijuana but have forgotten his message of political equality and social struggle. He did not die for marijuana, but many do think that with all those posters of him smoking weed. The legalization of marijuana is the least of our worries, maybe stoners would know that if they werent high all the time.

*Honorable Mention
The Hot Boy$

25 things to know about me!

2009-02-13T10:48:00.000-08:00

25. No one cares
24. You aren't special
23. Go back to work
22. Stop making lists about trivial and dreary facts about your life.
21. LOlZ!
20 - 2. You are embarrassing yourself. stop it.
1. MANU!

Funny Happenin' of the Day: Marina haha!

2009-02-10T22:21:00.000-08:00

At work i noticed one of the school desks was covered with carvings and writings on it. One of them stood out in dark angry ink that stated "Marina is emo." Which i thought was funny until i looked at it carefully and noticed that someone crossed out emo and wrote "a dick."
i guffawed in enjoyment.

Top Ten Reasons why it would be cool to be gay.

2009-02-08T18:30:00.000-08:00

10. Party all the time.

9. Its ok to workout without be called a meat-head douchebag

8. An excuse to talk shit about anyone at anytime

7. Ability to be a "minority" while having wealth

6. Gus van Sant

5. Alcoholism is encouraged not frowned upon.

4. Appreciation of the arts and culture

3. Style

2. Strong and supportive community

1. Party all the time

2009-02-08T15:15:00.000-08:00

This is a test. Are we live?

::tap tap::

Is this thing on?

O.G. Hipster of the moment

2009-02-08T09:55:00.000-08:00

Vincent Gallo. Vincente, Vinny Gallo. "Ey Vinny, chut the fuck up! you stupid mook." This guy is probably one of the most annoying, vapid, insipid, overrated people ever, but he does look cool.(Was not a typo, he is a man of many "talents", hence he has many a persona) A true example of the word dilettante to its exact meaning, he never really managed to do anything meaningful even though he was given millions to make movies. Somehow he was able to curse Roger Ebert with cancer just for speaking the truth on his crap movie Brown Bunny (havent seen but i get it, its so subtle that no one understands it). His presence at the Cannes film festival alone is why we should not have film festivals in the first place. Probably the biggest pioneers of the hipster movement (homie is 47! damn dude shave). We salute you Vinny "the" Gallo.